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Jordanian Parody: Israel Wishes Iranian Protesters Luck Dying
Jordanians are pretty skeptical of regional powers' intentions towards the pro-democracy movement.
Other countries are cheering on the Iranian uprising. But do they really want it to succeed? It’s possible that foreign leaders are hoping for the unrest to weaken the Iranian government but still fail to replace it with a more popular one.
Many people will not say this idea publicly, for various reasons. While it is not exactly a flattering view of the opposition or its supporters abroad, it also implies that the Iranian authorities themselves are a source of chaos that hostile powers would like to keep in place.
Leave it to the satirists to expose what people are thinking but afraid to say. The Jordanian parody newspaper Alhudood — the Arabic equivalent of The Onion — ran a pretty harsh satire of Israel’s statements of solidarity with the Iranian protesters.
After all, almost all Jordanians have Palestinian relatives or friends who were pushed out at gunpoint by Israel, and also spent a decade watching Iranian troops violently put down the revolution in Syria next door. There is a great deal of sympathy for the Iranian opposition, and deep skepticism of Israel’s intentions.
Without any further comment, here’s a full translation of the article:
Israel values the sacrifices of the Iranian people and wishes martyrdom for all of them
Israel, oasis of democracy and peace in the Middle East, extended its warmest regards to the demonstrators protesting against the Iranian regime. It wished them success in overthrowing the Iranian regime, and the Iranian regime success in exterminating them and making them all martyrs.
Israeli prime minister Yair Lapid expressed his absolute support for the protesters and their righteous demands for democracy, justice and freedom — just as long as they do not achieve those demands.
“Our use of unconditional solidarity with the Iranian people is stronger than our use of nuclear weapons. It gives the regime an excuse to suppress the protesters as spies and traitors, further provoking the protesters against the authorities and plunging the country into a cycle of violence,” he said. “Iran will suffer a result similar to what happened in Syria, which will give us the pleasure of violating its airspace whenever we get bored.”
Lapid lamented that Iran did not descend into violence faster, before his term in office expired, which would have allowed him to count solidarity with the protesters as one of his achievements.
“It would be desirable if the demonstrations grew quickly enough for the Revolutionary Guards to take to the streets with heavy weapons, bomb cities, and expel their population,” he said. “Israel would take a comfortable nap, basking in its regional power, fearing neither the current regime nor — God forbid — a future secular democratic regime.”
Lapid called on all peoples of the region to rise up in the face of repressive regimes, and not stop at peaceful, moderate protests. He stressed that Israel stands with them and against their regimes, as long as those regimes are able to suppress them.
“We look forward to seeing violent, bloody unrest spread throughout the region — from the Gulf states to Iran to the Levant, from Turkey to the Nile Valley — until the region is completely emptied of its population, which saves Israelis the trouble of wiping them out in order to expand into the Promised Land.”
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